The problem with toast | Turning down a second date…

I haven’t really talked about my breakup with A (whose name was actually Alex, by the way). Honestly, there are still moments when it feels like some sort of bad dream. No closure, no explanation, no logic. He evaporated from my life as quickly as he had appeared and I was left with a few months of memories and a broken heart. It’s still a bit painful, but I knew I needed to get back on the horse.

Enter: Kevin, 27, Engineer. He met, to my knowledge, all four of the non-negotiables for a potential life mate. We kept up through text messages, until our first date, earlier this week. Location picked, time set, and hair curled, I was equal parts nervous and excited.

The date was nice. Conversation was relatively easy and there were no obvious red flags (unlike bad date guy – remember him?). I’ve had dates where I couldn’t wait to see him again, dates where I was intrigued enough to want to see him again, and dates where I was certain I never wanted to see him again, but this wasn’t any of those.

I felt…nothing. Not nothing, I felt kind of the way I feel about toast; I like toast, but if I didn’t have toast in my life, It wouldn’t really affect me.

Don’t misunderstand me; he was a really nice guy. He stood when I walked in the restaurant and paid for dinner without hesitating. He is close with his family and gets along well with his housemates. He’s good at his job and has a circle of friends for whom he makes time. There was just no connection, at all.

*People who are judging me: my life, my rules. Leave me be.*

He followed up with a text saying that he’d had fun and asking if we could get together later in the week. What to say? The toast analogy seemed callous. He didn’t do anything wrong, so I couldn’t blame that. I could have pulled a Houdini and just disappeared, but since I’ve recently been through a Houdini breakup, that would be cruel. I could have emphasized how busy I am and hoped he lost interest, though I’m not sure I can spare the bad Karma.

In the end, I decided to go with the truth (paraphrased and borrowed from this article):

It’s very sweet of you to invite me out again, but I just don’t feel a romantic connection here. It was really nice to meet you!

My goal isn’t to be mean. While it might sting to be on the receiving end of these words, I believe it’s far kinder than to lead him on or use some lame and/or insulting excuse. I wish him the best, but I’m not his best.

On to the next adventure, I suppose…

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