1) So I’m seeing someone. Not like that. I’ve started seeing a therapist.
But Simone, you’ve handled everything so well!!
Honestly, no, I haven’t. I’ve pretended to handle it. I am an exceptionally skilled manipulator of the truth. I know all the right things to say and all the right things to do. I’m a student, you see. I’ve studied psychology and grief and I know what the stages are “supposed” to look like. So I put on a brave face and I do what has to be done to make everyone else feel better about what I’m going through. Looking inside has been too painful.
It has to stop. It’s time to focus on me, which is terrifying. It’s time, though. It’s time to stop worrying about how I seem and start focusing on how I am.
2) In the spirit of becoming a better person, I’ve embarked on a 30 day planking challenge and a new daily (or almost daily) workout routine.
Can I just tell you how much pain I’m in? Ohmygoodness, these legs, they’s a-burnin’.
My workout routine starts with 80 Jumping Jacks to get the heart racing, followed by 20 pushups and 40 sit ups. I haven’t been able to do a proper sit up since high school, so I’ve adapted. Here’s my move:
Lay on your back with arms and legs extended (think of making yourself as tall as possible). Lift arms and legs 6″ off the ground. Exhale and draw knees to chest, while crunching up with abs and raising shoulders to meet the knees, arms extending to touch the sides of your feet. Contract abs. Release and extend limbs back out, keeping them 6″ off the floor.
Then round out with 50 squats, 20 lunges (each leg) and a 60 second wall sit and the routine is under 15 minutes. I can’t walk correctly without my legs reminding me that I’m out of shape – details, details.
3) Speaking of things that are painful. In my last post (which was the most popular post in a good long while, oddly), I referenced a sweet woman I’ve known a long time who had entered hospice care. In what is being viewed as a bittersweet blessing, she went home to be with the Lord on Saturday night. Her family and friends are relieved that she is no longer in pain, but they are grieving this incredible loss.
Debbie was a loving mother, wife, sister, friend, and grandmother. She was a tiny woman, but her smile was radiant. Even through all of her treatment, she was always joyful and positive. She has left behind and incredible legacy of beauty and kindness and a wonderful family to carry these traits on into the world.