The tail end of November! So it goes:
1) It’s cold.
There’s almost no way for me to say that without complaining about it. It’s just cold. The cold has swept in and I am left annoyed and shivering. I’m not usually a cold person, but, incidentally, there is a lot less of me than there used to be, and what’s left can’t seem to keep my temperature up.
The upside is at night. I haaaaaaate being hot when I sleep, and with the dropping temps, I don’t have to worry about it. I’m so bundled up that I do an amazing impersonation of a caterpillar en cocoon.
2) I have a character flaw.
I have several, but I’m being specific here. One of my character flaws is that I have a hard time opening up to people. I hide and I put up walls and I assume that people are going to hurt me, so I don’t give them the chance to love me. It’s not good. As a friend of mine pointed out last week, it comes from insecurity. I’ve always maintained that I’m pretty confident, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I tend to feel a bit unworthy. I was reminded of a post that I wrote a while back about the 15 Assumptions You Should Probably Make. I’ve reworked some of those assumptions into a daily affirmation, and I am amazed by how much better I feel and how much more open I am toward others. My mantra isn’t too long, but it’s effective:
I am loved. Those who love me find value in me and the things that I do. However, I do not need to be valuable to be worthy of love. At some point in my life I will hurt or disappoint the people I love. When this happens, it will not be the end of the world, even though that’s what it will feel like.
No one is keeping a list of my shortcomings, preparing to throw them in my face when I’m feeling too good or too bad about myself. If anyone is keeping such a list, it says more about them than it does about me.
If you are having a hard time, I encourage you to start saying this to yourself a couple times a day. It is a bit awkward at first, but with time, it becomes so beautifully second nature that when you have a twinge of self-doubt, these words are on auto-play in your head.
3) From complaining to something that borders on bragging…
Saturday, A texted me to find out if I wanted to have dinner, which isn’t really that interesting. The twist comes when he asked me if I wanted to fly to dinner. That’s right, friends, I’m dating a licensed pilot who spontaneously took me to dinner in Delaware. The 3.5 hour drive was a cool half hour flight and though it was dark, the lights of the Eastern Shore and Delaware were gorgeous. Time seemed to stand still as we floated gently through the night sky. It was the most surreal sense of calm I’ve experienced in a very long time.
Coolest date I’ve ever been on. Ever.