Here’s what’s rolling around in my head:
1) I’m going to make some people angry now. Not on purpose, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I like feeling sexy.
Pitchforks down, villagers.
I am not, by an objective standard, what you might classify as “sexy”. Meghan Trainor and I can bond over not being a size 2 and I don’t have that “thing” about me that makes men spontaneously stop and tell me how beautiful I am. This isn’t a lesson in self deprecation and I am certainly not fishing for compliments (SERIOUSLY!), I’m just telling it like it is.
But I do have this thing that happens when people get to know me and they find out that I’m passionate about life and that I’m wicked smart with a biting sense of humor. Suddenly, the fact that I don’t look like Penelope Cruz seems slightly less relevant.
Then a friend of the male persuasion (pitchforks down!) and I were having a conversation about…honestly, I have no idea…the other day and he suddenly stopped and looked at me and said, “You’re really pretty,” with absolutely no hint of sarcasm or irony.
I am a smart, accomplished twenty-six year old college graduate with a life and a cat and a very well developed sense of self who does not define herself by the impossible beauty standards set by our society, but I am not ashamed to tell you that I felt a surge of power and a little giddiness at being appreciated for something other than my brain.
2) The one month anniversary of my dad’s death was on Friday. I really meant to publish a post reflecting on my journey so far. I don’t mean that in a theoretical sense, I had every intention of doing it, I mean that I actually wrote and rewrote and edited the damn thing into oblivion before throwing in the towel because my thoughts were too jumbled to come up with something that even remotely expressed what I wanted to say. The issue comes down to this: there are two distinct but related major themes in my life right now. One the one hand, I’m dealing with death and loss and grief and the emotional roller coaster that is associated with all of that. On the other hand, I’m navigating life, which is messy and beautiful and makes me laugh and cry and wonder and hope. Forward and back, past and future, static and dynamic, this is the dichotomy. I’ve talked about it a lot and I’m not going to harp on it, but sometimes, it makes my thoughts a bit fragmented. Maybe I’ll get the post out, maybe I’ll just let it go. We’ll see.
3) I recently had a conversation about the cost of underwear. My life is strange, what can I tell you? The conversation centered around one person’s incredulity that anyone would spend $15 on underwear for any reason, and my concession that I might be willing to spend that amount if I really liked the garment in question. What followed was what can only be characterized as the theater of the absurd. Reflecting later on, I realized that ladies under garments are fairly expensive, but that we’ll pay premium prices to wear pretty things that no one can see. Why?
I think it goes back to sexiness (see Item 1). Like cosmetics, under garments are an emotional purchase that make women feel good about themselves, whether anyone else is going to know or not.
Weird, but true, like the blobfish.