Keep Calm, it’s wedding week

m+d1Weddings.   My brother got married last weekend and I was the first time that I’d ever been close enough to a wedding to see all the craziness first hand.  It was, no joke, the most fun I’ve ever had at a wedding, dispite the sleep deprivation and stress, or maybe because of it.

One of the things they don’t tell you about a wedding is some of the ridiculous things people say.  I’m not talking random drunken ramblings of your crazy 2nd cousin, these things make sense in context, but looking back, they are certainly things you never thought you’d hear.  I’ve compiled a semi-comprehensive list for you.

 “John, it’s 2:25, Adam says to get in the shower”
“I don’t have a flask.”
“Les pantalons ne sont pas optionnel”
“Can I put the sword in your car?”
“How do you slice cheese?”
“Do I have enough eyebrows?”
“I’m just the maintenance guy.”
“He can’t loosen up, he can’t even breathe.”
“There was an ant attack.”
“Emily is crying in the kitchen.”
“Where will drunk David end up?”
“Aww…they’re pretty and fun!”
“Is the front the front or the back?”
“I don’t know how to pin on a boutonniere.”
“I’m bringing my ice cream over.”
“Take off your sunglasses!”
“I cut my knee open on the dance floor.”
“Buncha winos.”
“Wait, we’re on time?!”
“I have never seen your bathroom that clean.”
“I want to be Batman!”

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