Online dating, am I right?
The whole dynamic of online dating brings an unusual and heretofore unexplored awkwardness to the human mating ritual which was already pretty awkward. It’s one thing to be set up by friends, family or coworkers and have a least a little understanding of the character with which you are dealing, but the online is so anonymous. So…weird.
So why not?
I thought I’d try it. After sifting through a lot (I’m talking a LOT) of sketchy creepers, I started chatting with a nice enough guy. 28, full time job, no kids, no arrest record. My spirits were high and my expectations were cautiously optimistic as I agreed to meet him for drinks on Saturday night. Public place, drove myself, told friends and family where I would be. C’mon, give me a little credit!
Traffic in DC was surprisingly heavy and I was running bit late, but I was just scouting out a parking place when this text barrage happened. If I hadn’t driven all that way, I probably would have realized that this was Red Flag No.1. Actually, Red Flag No. 1 should have been that he asked me out for Saturday night on Saturday afternoon, and No. 2 should have been that he really wanted me to drive all the way into the city so that we’d be close to his apartment. So this was really No. 3. And then it got worse.
Red Flag No. 4: Didn’t take off his baseball cap when we went into the restaurant.
Red Flag No. 5: Kept checking his phone.
Red Flag No. 6: No conversational skills.
Okay, maybe you think I’m being too harsh on this one. After all, it takes two to tango. Here’s a snippet of our conversation, after I’d pretty much exhausted every topic I could think of:
Me: (noticing that he was wearing an Eagles cap) So, you like the Eagles?
Me: Just the hat, then?
Him: Not really
Me: Okay. Do you have a favorite team?
Him: I don’t like football.
Me: What’s your favorite sport?
Me: That’s cool! Do you have a favorite MLS team?
Him: No. Most Americans think soccer is a gay sport.
I was home by 10:30.