Baby On Board.

A man in possession of a fortune is in want of a wife.  Jacob Marley was dead.  So was Hamlet’s father.  Elmer Gantry was drunk.  All mundane facts, all of which set up the story and without which the story makes no sense.  So begins my story.

I am not pregnant.  Not even a little.

Cover of Parenting

Somehow, though, I’ve been added to a list of people who are pregnant.  The mailing list from Hell.

The first time I noticed it, I got some kind of baby magazine.  No biggie, sometimes I get mail from AARP, too.  Direct mail isn’t 100% effective, and I get that.  Plus, as a young professional, I’m often mistaken for someone in a different station in life.  Cool beans, no problem.

Then the deluge hit.

Now I’m getting Parenting Magazine, and Babytalk Magazine.  I get coupons and stroller reviews.  Today I got an offer from Shutterfly for some percentage off of baby announcements. (Also, if you are pregnant, shoot me an e-mail.  I’ll gladly pass along my coupon code!)

And it’s not just my mail.  I get e-mails, two, three, six a day offering me Bradley classes, and discounts on diapers.  All of this is inconvenient, but it’s also the price of living in the digital world.  People send you stuff you don’t want.  It happens.  Stop complaining.

Then something really weird happened.  I got an e-mail that started out with the words, “Dear Simone, Now that you’re 11 weeks along….”

This has to end.  It’s starting to get creepy.

I called the magazines to cancel my subscription, but I don’t know how to get off this mailing list.  It’s driving me nuts.  I get mail almost everyday.  As if my biological clock wasn’t ticking loud enough.

I read an article recently about how some companies track your buying habits and can identify major life events before you even know about them (you can read it here).  Only, I haven’t been shopping for pregnancy tests or baby clothes or folate, so honestly, I’m at a loss.

So I’m wondering: was there a time when mass marketing got it really wrong?  I’d love to hear your stories!

Happy Thursday!


One thought on “Baby On Board.

  1. So… does your e-mail contain the name Simone? Cause I TOTALLY have a girl named Elizabeth who’s been (trying?) to get into college to go to nursing school using my e-mail. I’m SURE she thinks it’s hers… but it’s not. :-P. Sounds like a DIFFERENT Simone is 11 weeks along 😉 Try using your e-mail client (google can at least)’s “UnSubscribe” button. Or at the very least, mark it as spam 😛 GOOD LUCK!!

    P.S. For YEARS Publisher’s Clearing house thought I was a little old lady. I got to the like, final stages of a giveaway when I was 11. Then, once they saw my signature? or my info? I stopped receiving entries. Never got back on the list either… maybe they think I died 😉


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